Part 2 will be 🔥🔥🔥🚒👨🚒🧯 but let’s see if you can handle Part 1!
How you too can land a cushy multicultural advisory/board role with government as their “trusted” stakeholder (the toxic way of course):
1. Attend as many events as you can… invited or not… even if you have to pay $$$ for it. Take out a loan if you have to. Get a side hustle as some of these events can cost close to $1000. The more you’re seen everywhere, the more familiar you will be to others. Being everywhere also means that you must be important.
2. Take LOTS of photographs. But be smart about it. See all those VIPs on stage and all those guests of honors attending? Yes. Follow them around like a puppy so you can get a picture with them.
3. Don’t you DARE miss the politicians! Pictures with them powerful creatures too. Cos you know what they say about power… location, location, location… the more chummy you look with them the better! Seriously, get right in that picture frame tight!
4. Got them photos? Make sure you post about it and make it known to everyone how close you are to these powerful folks. During private conversations with other people, casually name drop all these people’s names and make up scenarios about how you “just spoke to them over the phone the other day” or “we just caught for coffee last week”… you get my drift?
Don’t worry about due diligence. Nobody really does it… not even govt funded peak bodies with a board 😉. There’s an assumption that because there’s a board, there must be governance… ha ha…. hahahaha <insert more villian laughter>
5. Make sure you befriend others who think just like you (easy to identify… the puppy behavior, desperate photo takers and name droppers, always at these events) cos you need them for building credibility and validation. They will be great for reference checks. 👍
6. Start securing speaking opportunities. Giving a talk on domestic violence even if you don’t really do anything about it in your day to day life? Great! Make sure you post about your talk and tell everyone you’ve been actively fighting for that cause you spoke about. Nobody will ever ask you to provide details on what you mean by “fighting for the cause”. You’ve got all these photographic evidence so no one would dare question you! If they do, take out your toxic playbook and act offended and insulted and better yet, start berating them.
7. See those people doing the brunt of the grassroots work? Befriend them and act interested in their work. But secretly, take all their knowledge and start talking about them intelligently in all these forums and events you attend, as though you’ve got intimate knowledge of these issues due to you “fighting for them”.
8. Make use of your toxic enablers (friendship circle) to nominate each other for OAM titles and honor rolls.
Congratulations! You’ve now landed yourself a cushy advisory role which you can now use to build up your resume of expertise in the unregulated multicultural space!!
Once in those advisory roles, make government believe that they can only access multicultural communities through you and only you because our people don’t trust the government (yes. really play up the trust issue). Meanwhile, give poor advice to government agencies so we get rubbish policies. That way, the government never gets it right and grassroots will have no choice but to advocate to government through you. Now, you’re the powerful middle and can stay there so long as neither party understands the game.
But wait! I know I mentioned grant $$$ somewhere. I mean, why else would you be doing this!? Duh!.
How do you access those? Make sure you form government funded peak bodies in which the board (especially the office bearing roles) are all made up of those you can trust to maintain the status quo.
Once you’re in advisory roles and have established yourself as a “trusted” advisor for the government, getting government grants is a piece of cake! The good news is, no one checks to see how you’ve been using the money. Just create some pathetic mentorship or “consultation” activity here and there and make sure you and your friends get paid by outsourcing these services to consulting agencies.
Do I really have to explain any more? I think you know what to do from now on.
Are you ready for Part 2?
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